


Moon Fall

by sacredcatrising



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AkuSai, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied XemSai, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love, M/M, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Spoilers, Trauma, True Love, Violence, post kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 07:50:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacredcatrising/pseuds/sacredcatrising
Summary: !!! The events take place AFTER KH3, so spoiler ahead if you haven't finished the game!"After having lived all that time in the dark it wasn’t odd that he couldn’t stand the light.He didn’t want Lea to notice the apprehension that was tightening his chest, he didn’t want him to perceive his uncomfortable fear. That’s why he just nodded.He would have got used to it, he was right."





	Moon Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Moon Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/484420) by ChiiCat92. 



_24/05/2019_

**Moon Fall**

 

In Radiant Garden there was too much light. During the day he often found himself winking his eyes to focus on things and people. He was able to open them just later when the sunset filled the streets with dark gold.

Lea reassured him, telling him that sooner or later he would have got used to it. After having lived all that time in the dark it wasn’t odd that he couldn’t stand the light.

He didn’t want Lea to notice the apprehension that was tightening his chest, he didn’t want him to perceive his uncomfortable _fear_. That’s why he just nodded.

He would have got used to it, he was right.

 

*

 

During the lazy, idle afternoon, Isa had found the strength to take care of the house chores, not just because if he’d let Lea take care of it they would have been buried in dishes to wash. It was, most of all, because keeping his hands busy helped him getting his head together.

The little things, the little daily tasks, the little details: that’s what Isa found more difficult. He felt like he wasn’t able to do anything besides fighting, killing, _surviving_.

There was something reassuring in realizing that he was actually still able to fold the sheets, clean the oil stains on clothes, patch up darn socks.

His hands knew how to move, his fingers danced lightly on every object finding again pleasures of a past life, and he could start breathing again.

The sound of the water in the sink covered the agitated pounding of his heart. Since it was back he had the feeling that it beat more intensely, almost painfully against his sternum. It _hurt_ , and it was _heavy_.

He bit his lower lip, trying to drive that thought away. He didn’t want to keep another  secret from Lea, not now that he was so happy.

_“Saïx.”_

A freezing whisper at his ear. He turned around, his heart racing (how painful, how annoying), and his fingers lost the hold they had on the plate he was drying.

The house was little, nice, furnished with warm colors that were so dear to Lea, two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom. And it was empty,

Isa started breathing heavily. The felling of his heart trying to escape his own chest was nothing new to him, but now it _scared_ him.

In their bedroom the window was open. With his hands still wet he closed it, ignoring the plate’s pieces that cracked under his slippers. Close it, he just wanted to close it.

He remained there, grabbing the window’s handle for a time that looked endless and…wrong. It must have been the wind that had caused that freezing air, but then why he had the feeling that he had heard…

« Isa! » when Lea called him with that name he felt like catching fire. Everything was red, intense and warm, and his stomach jumped. His shoulders relaxed and he was able to move away from the window, even if he felt his hands prickling, numb. « Isa, oh God, what happened? » he probably had seen the pieces of the broken plate, and had followed the drops on the floor till their bedroom.

When he turned to look at him, Lea was on the doorstep, his green eyes wide open, his dark red brows raising with surprise, and the shop bags overflowing with greens’ tufts still in his hands.

« I’ve broken a plate. » he was able to say, extraordinarily weak.

It was unusual of him, and it was not just because of the plate.

« I noticed. » Lea tilted his head, as to glimpse something in Isa that his words couldn’t express. « Are you…are you feeling alright? »

« There’s too much light. » just commented Isa, looking away from him. Lea’s eyes were always so insinuating, so piercing, wedges for his soul.

Lea sighed, softly, with a half-smile on his lips. He left the shop bags and got closer, to close the curtains. The room was filled with a pleasant, delicate semi-darkness.

« Better? »

« Yes. Thank you. » Isa muttered with a grimace.

He could perceive an sharp sound in his ears; the muffled scream of his own voice.

Lea hugged him, as warm as the Sun. When Lea held him that way, he felt like a Moon at sunset.

« It’s alright, you’ll get… »

« I’ll get used to it, I know. » but his voice had already lost half of its aggressiveness. He couldn’t help but succumbing in Lea’s arms.

Isa hugged him back, his arms around the other’s waist, his face buried in the other’s shoulder. Closing his eyes and pushing his face against him, the darkness was a different color, a different  taste.

« What did you buy? » muffled, his voice made Lea smile, even if Isa couldn’t see him.

« All that green stuff you asked me to, unfortunately. I couldn’t find the artichokes and I didn’t know what else to get. Next time you could come with me. »

« I don’t… »

« Isa. » Lea moved him away gently, just to look at him in the eyes. His face hadn’t changed, and yet it was completely different. The X that scarred his face didn’t look so terrible anymore, not now that his eyes were their aquamarine again, deep but scared. « Things won’t get better if you keep staying home. »

« I need…time. »

« Roxas, Xion and I wanted to go have an ice cream, why don’t you come with us? »

« Please… » he muttered, slightly clenching his fists. He had to resist the urge to lift his gaze. Finding himself naked in front of Lea’s emerald green judgement hurt him.

« It’s been two weeks. You can’t keep on living this way. »

« I was _dead_. » again, Isa felt his heart beating in his chest painfully. He wanted to dig a hole with his nails and tear it off himself. At least, he would have knew where to put it. Safe, in the dark. « I need you to give me… _time_. »

Lea breathed, a deep breath but slow. He had smoothened his impulsiveness so perfectly. He didn’t catch fire at the slightest provocation anymore.

« What are we having for dinner tonight? »

Isa felt the tension loosening at that question. One day he would have found the courage to thank him for his patience, the same way he had done to confess his jealousy.

« Let me see what’s inside those bags first. Without artichokes no vegetable pie. »

« I liked the idea of a vegetable pie. » Lea complained, while Isa reached the bags and picked them up. He couldn’t help but smiling at that complain, Lea could be so childlike.

« I’ll come up with something. » Isa sighed, pretending to be disappointed.

He left the shop bags on the kitchen table, and picked up the broom to collect the pieces of the broken plate. He had almost forgot about its presence, just like he had forgot the _cause_.

Lea took an apple from the bag and sat at the table while Isa cleaned up. He observed him for a while, his movements, his expressions, everything, fixing every detail in his mind.

With his sapphire hair tied in a high ponytail and wearing a tracksuit he looked like a normal person, with a normal life, maybe with a boring past. And yet, something hit a wrong note with him, something that you realized suddenly, when you were sure you had catched the correct melody. It resounded intensely, and vibrated for some time. Lea still couldn’t understand what it was. But he knew it was off-key, and he didn’t like it.

 

*

 

At night, Isa kept staring for a long time at the ceiling, until he could see strange images and inexistent squiggles in the dark. Lea’s head was on his chest, his ear close to hear the beating of his heart. It was pleasant for him, almost unbearable for Isa.

With his hand through his red hair, Isa had the feeling of caressing a big, soft cat. From time to time Lea muttered something, sleepy half-words from his dreams. Adorable.

He was going to fall asleep when he felt it again: a cold draft and a voice’s whisper.

“ _Saïx_.”

His eyes were suddenly wide open, his turquoise irises running from one side of the room to the other. Lea’s hair’s red was more intense in darkness.

“ _Saïx_.”

He felt his partner shifting and muttering something, maybe annoyed by the pounding of the heart under his ear.

Isa was breathing heavily, again. There wasn’t enough air in the room to fill his lungs and the blood rushing through his temples made his head hurt.

The shadows, on the floor, were moving softly, like a poisonous and dangerous mist.

« It’s just inside my head. » he muttered to himself.

There were no shadows, not _anymore_ , nothing in the dark could scare him now.

He tried to close his eyes, holding Lea closer. He felt a terrible sickness in his stomach, though. For a moment he felt the bed swaying below him and he sensed bile climbing back his throat.

He quickly moved Lea away (who actually barely noticed it) and run to the bathroom.

He was able to keep the dinner in his stomach, but he remained for a while over the toilet bowl torn about whether to stick two fingers in his throat to throw up or not: maybe the nausea would have gone and he would have stopped feeling as if he was inside a washing machine.

_“Please, please_.” was his desperate thought, while he leaned against the wall. He was covered in cold sweat, his pajama’s shirt was stuck to his skin.

Gradually, his sickness passed and he was able to get back to his senses, clear headed.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and reached the sink to wash his mouth.

The water poured down fresh and relaxing, he washed his hands, his face.

It was over, everything was over.

Now quieter, he heaved a sigh of relief.

Hurrying to reach the bathroom he hadn’t even turned the light on, but he didn’t need it anyway to recognize the shapes of the objects, the silhouettes of the furniture. He could have found his bearings in that home even with his eyes closed, he had spent even too much time there.

That’s why, when he caught sight of a human figure in the dark, he instantly understood he was in danger.

His first instinct was to evoke his weapon, his beloved Claymore, but he found himself holding nothing, while a smile dense with darkness opened wide on a well-known face.

« No. » he muttered, pulling back, like an animal in a corner. He found himself against the wall without even _realizing_ it. Trapped, _trapped_.

« Saïx. » the way he pronounced every letter like each had a weight, the soft accent on the “ï”, the indulgent sigh on the “x”.

That voice, the overtones of a scary deepness, the vibrations inside his bones.

Isa felt his lips trembling in horror while he shook his head, denying himself that vision, the approaching of the man, the monster, that filled his nightmares.

« You’re not real. » he muttered in a scared whisper. The floor under his feet was real, the cold wall against his back was real, the dripping of the water in the sink was real, not him, not him, not him.

« Are you rejecting me, Saïx? » the man tilted his head, his silver hair shimmered in that darkness like they were full of it, his golden eyes looked amused.

« You’re not here. » Isa wanted to growl, but what escaped his lips sounded more like a whine. He hated himself, hated his weakness, hated being dominated by his fears. By him, again.

The man opened his arms, the small chains hanging on his leather coat clinked together slightly, a velvet smile curved his dark lips. « I am here. » then he became serious again, the smile disappeared, his expression became threatening. « For you. »

« NO! »

Isa brought his hands to his face, praying for that vision to disappear, hoping that he could just hide it from his sight to make everything go back as it used to.

He didn’t know exactly when he had started sobbing, neither when he had curled on the floor, his legs pressed on his chest.

He realized his pitiful condition only when the light of the bathroom were turned on and Lea rushed beside him.

His warm hands loosened the strict position he had taken but Isa kept his eyes closed, glued together by the tears and by stubbornness.

« Isa. » Lea shook him, took his face in his hands, trying to _understand_ what was happening.

The only thing Isa was able to tell him, though, was: « Turn off the light. »

Lea obeyed, and then went back to sit beside him, an arm around his shoulders.

« It’s alright, I’m here. » the redhead muttered.

His voice was so different from his…

He didn’t even want to think about that name, he wanted him out of his head, out of his hearts, out of his life.

He leaned his head on Lea’s shoulder and let the tiredness prevail.

 

The next morning Isa woke up in his bed. For a confused moment he didn’t realize how he got there, but then he remembered Lea whispering softly at his ear, convincing him to get up, taking him to bed by his hand.

Lea was already up and he was probably making breakfast because Isa could hear noises from the kitchen. He had left the curtains closed, so the room was still semi-dark.

Isa sit up just to verify the fact that he had a terrible headache.

He was careful not to think about what had happened the night before. He ignored it, the same way one ignores bad dreams.

He got up rubbing his eyes in the attempt of chasing away the migraine, and for a moment white sparkles appeared in the dark of his closed eyelids.

He was able to drag himself till the kitchen, pathetic and disheveled like never before.

Lea had kept the curtains closed even there, and Isa for a moment, just for a moment, realized that he was probably pushing Lea too hard. Sooner or later he would have broken, or left him for good.

« Good morning. » he started, his voice hoarse. Was it due to the fact that he had cried like a baby in Lea’s arms?

The redhead turned to look at him. He addressed him a pale smile, then he went back to the eggs he was cooking.

The table was already set with juice and fresh milk. Isa still felt the bile’s taste in his mouth, and he tried to wipe it away with a sip of juice.

Lea served him a plate with egg and bacon that looked absolutely delicious, then he kissed his forehead and sit beside him.

Isa knew he wanted an explanation but…he didn’t know what to tell him. Because he should have admitted that he was still haunted by the ghost of…

« It’s the third time. » Lea suddenly said, without looking at him, without looking at anything in particular. He took a forkful of eggs, brought it to his mouth, pretended to enjoy it and then he went on. « It’s the third time that it happens. Your nightmares, I mean. »

« It happens. » Isa replied, shrugging. He suddenly didn’t feel like eating anymore. He forced himself just to show Lea that he was calm, that he had already forgotten the thing.

« It’s happening to you now. »

« It will pass. »

« Why don’t you tell me? »

« I don’t wanna talk about it. »

Lea took a deep breath. Once again, Isa admired the gentle way he was treating him, almost like he was afraid to break him. He wondered if he wasn’t right: he actually felt like he was close to break.

« Alright, alright. »

They finished breakfast in silence, because Lea couldn’t stand small talks, not that morning.

Then the redhead got up, careful to avoid Isa’s eyes, and started tidying up. He always piled the plates in the sink the same way, one over the other and over them the cutlery. There was a strange research for order in those gestures.

« Are you going out today? » he asked lightly, like it was a casual thought and not a question of a certain relevance, leaning against the sink, his hand grabbing the edge of it.

« I need… »

« Time. I see. » Lea finished for him. Even if he saw him from behind, Isa could sense the grimace on his face.

How long till the break?

« See you later, then. »

« Do you…want me to cook something in particular? »

Lea just shrugged.

Not so long.

 

*

 

Isa spent his day cleaning up. He washed the bed sheet, the towels, the floors. He wished he could have done the same with himself, his thoughts, his actions, his soul.

But no matter how hard he scratched, how red his hands got because of the cold water, his old thoughts, his old memories were still there, heavy and miserable.

The house, buried in that half-darkness, silent and cozy, looked like a safe shelter to protect him from the outside, from everything. Maybe even from himself.

But Lea didn’t want him to stay isolated there forever. If he didn’t want to go out for his own well-being, he had to do it for him.

Isa folded the last towel, he put it  back with the others, closed the small door, slowly, everything slowly, feeling like his body was submerged in molasses.

For Lea, only for him.

While he approached the front door, the handle, he felt a tingling in his nape. He knew that feeling, the feeling of someone watching him intensely.

« You can’t go out. » the voice whispered. As always, his body recognized it, like the night before, the day before, and all the others. « You should know it. »

« I can do whatever I want. » Isa found himself saying. Without turning, terrified at the very idea of seeing his face. As long as it was just his voice, Isa could believe, or at least hoping, that it was just in his head. There he could control it.

« That was an order, Saïx. »

« THAT’S NOT MY NAME. » Isa shouted, so loud that it scratched his throat. « Isa. » he went on, more quietly, thinking about the neighbors. What would have they said to Lea once he got home? Your boyfriend isn’t good, he talks to himself and shouts like a madman. « My name is Isa. » he clenched his fists and turned around. He wasn’t surprised to see Xemnas, standing there, his eyes intense and painful like a red-hot golden dagger. « And _you_ can’t give me orders anymore. »

Xemnas didn’t say anything for a while, like he was thinking, meditating on the punishment to give his rebellious subordinate.

Isa trembled under that look, like he _always_ did, but he stayed put, proud, his chin up. He had never acted that way before, he had never been brave enough.

Before he could even defend himself, Xemnas was on him.

Shocked, Isa felt his hands on his own skin, the warmth of his breath, the weight of his body. He fell on the floor, because he wasn’t ready.

How could it be? He couldn’t be there, he _couldn’t_.

« Obviously you need to remember how to obey orders. »

Isa heard the sizzle in the air before he could even see the red blade emerging from Xemnas’s hand.

The air stopped in his throat, he couldn’t scream nor struggle, while in his mind he saw the same blade, ten years before, as it disfigured him for life.

The man got closer, his hair so close that it tickled his neck’s skin. His lips were soft, wet, hiding sharp predator teeth.

« As long as you’ll bear the mark you will belong to me. » he said, gently, at his ear.

Isa felt the creaking of his bones under the man’s weight, the fear that filled his veins like a river and that didn’t let him think straight.

He was once again that little boy, that boy who had just lost his soul. He would always be.

« Let me go. » he was able to say, again in a whisper. Xemnas raised his arm, preparing his blow, the blade was so _hot_. « LET ME GO! »

Then he started struggling, kicking the air.

He remembered well the pain. He remembered how the flesh burned when that heath reached the bone, he remembered his skin burning and the smell that filled his nostrils. He didn’t want to feel that pain anymore.

He kicked again and again, screaming ‘till he had no more air in his lungs.

His muscles were aching, his head was exploding. And there was no one there.

Xemnas had disappeared and he was lying on the floor in front of the front door in a pool of sweat and fear.

Trembling, he turned on one side and pressed his legs against his chest, his face against his knees.

And that’s how Lea found him when he got home.

 

*

 

“ _It’s getting worse_.” his feet were hanging above the void, by far he had defeated his fear of height. And furthermore, knowing that he could fall at any moment gave him a strange awareness: he had a hold on his own life, at the point he could end it. “ _It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do_.”

Lea hadn’t got on the clock tower to have an ice-cream, not this time. He just needed the reassuring red light of Twilight Town, the warmth of that infinite sunset. A strange world, a crepuscular world, never really bright and never really dark: just like he was.

Even if he knew he had to help Isa, he didn’t know _how_ to do it, and not because he was not patient, not because he didn’t love him, but because Isa didn’t let him.

It was pretty obvious what he was hiding from him, and yet, he kept on concealing it.

So stubborn, he would have killed himself before admitting he had a problem.

He sighed, he couldn’t leave Isa alone too long. He didn’t want him to have another of his…how to call them? Crisis?

Also, when he was away, Lea felt an unsettling tiredness, pricking his conscience.

He had to take care of Isa, he had to make him feel better, nothing else mattered. He could have never fully lived his new life without Isa being part of it and, right now, he wasn’t there, he was a blurred ghost.

Of course, his body was there, his heart was there, but his mind was elsewhere, busy in a ridiculous battle against himself.

Stubborn, stubborn Isa.

Lea walked faster because like every time he was away, he was afraid of not finding Isa at home.

Having him back was an ephemeral joy, maybe because so was Isa himself.

What would have happened if he had disappeared? He couldn’t even _think_ about it.

His hands still trembled at night, when he held Isa in his arms. In those moments, before the sleep took him, he could still see Isa heaving his last breath with a smile. And then vanishing, maybe forever.

He opened the door in a hurry, the same old semi-darkness greeted him. So different from the one in Twilight Town, because this one’s aim was to hide themselves.

« Isa? »

He took few seconds to understand and, even before his mind could give him the order, his body moved to kneel beside him.

Isa, curled on the floor before the front door, moaning like a wounded animal.

His heart started pounding so hard that he couldn’t help but whispering an “Enough!”, like that was useful.

He shook him lightly, terrified, but then Isa lifted his head and he could heave a sigh of relief.

His eyes were big, the way they were when he was a kid, naïve and full of astonishment. So much time had passed since the last time he had seen those eyes! Green, the color of the water of the sea on a calm day.

« Oh Isa. » Lea felt the tears stinging, but he restrained himself. He lifted him enough to hold him to his chest, tight. The same way he did when he saw him die. He ignored with all his strength the pincers that clamped his stomach.  « What happened? » he muttered, already aware that he would have not replied. He never did.

« Nothing, it’s.. it’s alright. » was his trembling reply.

Lea felt the urge to scream. He was done with denying the facts. But he didn’t, he held Isa tighter and kissed his forehead. Once again he swallowed the bitterness, but it felt it down his throat, descending to tarnish his very soul.

« Can you get up? » he asked, weakly.

Isa nodded, but Lea knew that even that was part of the web of lies he had been woven for weeks now.

 

*

 

Isa walked through the house like a restless spirit. He couldn’t find peace, and maybe he didn’t even want it.

Since Lea had found him curled on the ground like a terrified animal he hadn’t got out, he barely left him alone in one room.

But for Isa, the awareness that he was keeping his partner segregated at home for a _whim_ was even worse.

It would have passed, everything would have passed with a little time.

His eyes followed Lea as he went to the door to open it for the errand boy with their grocery shopping. For a moment the blade of light from the door cut the hall like it was made of solid darkness.

« Wow, so dark. » commented the errand boy, handing out the bags to Lea.

« Yeah. » was the harsh reply of the redhead. He took the bags a little too abruptly, from the curious hands of the boy at the door.

Isa could see everything from his half-hidden corner, like a child that spies on the adults.

« How comes the shutters are all closed? If I may ask. » the boy insisted.

At that point, Isa was sure he saw sparkles light up between Lea’s hands. The fire inside him  never faded.

« You may not. Good afternoon. » he placed a bunch of munnies in his hands and he almost shut the door at his face.

Only once he was sure the guy was gone, he let himself breath again.

Isa, guilty, crawled out of his nook to approach him at the door. Lea seemed so worn that he looked like he was going to burst out crying.

« Let me take this. » Isa whispered, taking the bags from his hot hands. Just another way to turn his back on him and not being forced to look at him in the eye. He couldn’t bear it.

He felt Lea behind his back, following him silently, and then stopping at the threshold of the kitchen.

Isa was really busy placing at their place the cans, the fruits, the vegetables: anything that could let him not face Lea.

« Isa. » he called, tired. There it was, that voice. He knew it.

His heart started pounding in his chest and Isa for a moment feared Lea could hear it.

« Look, the artichokes. » Isa took one from the bag to show him, but didn’t raised his eyes to look at him. Coward.

« Isa. » Lea tried again.

If possible, Isa lowered his head even more, faking his interest in whatever he was doing.

« And…the eggs, the peppers, it’s great, I can make something good. »

« ISA. » the scream made him finch, so much that a pepper escaped his hand and he couldn’t find the courage to take it. «How long will you _still_ gonna ignore it? » Lea’s voice was trembling, softly, and yet it was marked with fire. « Because I can’t take this anymore. I’ve reached the _limit_. So now…now you _must_ tell me what’s happening. »

« Nothing. » was Isa’s futile reply.

The burst of heat that hit his face was caused by Lea’s fire, that suddenly light him on with slate red shades. As suddenly as it has come, the fire was gone.

« You just won’t understand. » was Lea’s dry comment, even if his eyes were full of tears. Maybe the fire had burned the emotion in his voice. « I’m leaving. »

« What…? » pathetic. “ _Do something! Speak!”_

«I’m leaving. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t stand your silence, I can’t stand this darkness. »

« No, wait… » “ _Tell him about Xemnas, about his ghost, about how scared you are_.” His tongue was stuck to his palate.

And Lea was waiting, motionless at the door. Just the fast movement of his chest made evident his agitation. He was waiting, for the last, desperate time, for him to tell him something. Something different from the lies he had heard during those weeks.

« Nothing. » Escaped Isa’s lips, though.

He regretted it a moment later, because Lea turned around, reached the door with big steps, leaving burning marks on the ground.

« Lea! »

He didn’t listen to his calling, he opened the door wide, and Isa couldn’t get close to the day’s light, afraid as he was of burning himself and disappearing as if he was made of sugar paper.

« Lea, please. » he begged, from the safe distance that separate him from the light.

The redhead turned just for a moment, his face tense, trying not to cry.

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even try, everything he could have said, Isa already knew.

He left without closing the door. It remained wide open, with the ramification of the day that went on, until the sun set on Radiant Garden. The dark let that miserable being that was now Isa close it. He leaned with his back against it, sitting on the ground and he became aware that now he was really alone _with him_.

 

When he heard the steps in the hallway, Isa lifted his head, without flinching, without being surprised: he knew that with the night, he would have come too.

His bones hurt because of the hours he had spent curled on the floor. He hadn’t moved, he had forced himself to remain seated in front of the door. If he had moved he had to accept the fact the Lea was gone and it was all his fault. He wasn’t strong enough to bear it.

« You’re pathetic. » Xemnas’s voice, deep but mellow, came to his hear as from far far away.

« You’re dead. » he was able to whisper in reply. His eyes were swollen from crying and in the torn fabric of the reality in front of him, the figure of the man looked blurred, trembling.

But he was _there_ , he was really there. How could he be dead if he could see him, hear him, touch him and…being touched by him?

A cold shiver run through his back when the man approached a little more.

Isa looked at him from below and he felt again like when he used to be a little boy, the first time he had met him. When he had given him his new name.

« You’re nothing but darkness, Saïx. » Xemnas went on, as if he was finishing a speech already begun. « What did you expected from this life? Happiness? Love? _Light_? » Isa’s eyes followed him as he crouched to be at his eye level. « These things don’t exist for you. »

Isa felt his lower lip trembling, but he was able to clench his fist and throw himself at the man’s face.

But he, as if he was expecting that move, simply grabbed his wrist, shaking his head with displeasure.

« When will you stop fighting? You have a talent for that. »

« Never. » Isa growled.

Too loud, his heart in his chest hurt, resounding in his temples like a gong.

Xemnas laughed, out loud. He loved that little unsubordinated animal. He had trained him once, it wouldn’t have been difficult doing it again.

He slapped him so hard that for a moment Isa lost every cognition, the blood filling his mouth was the only thing he felt.

« You are mine. »

After the slap, Xemnas caressed his face. Isa felt something like needles on the skin, there where he had hit him.

« I am not yours. » he said. Even though his voice was trembling, even though he was _afraid_ , he didn’t lowered his eyes. « I’ll _never_ be yours _again_. »

Another slap. Isa maned his pain, he had to spit a clot of blood to not swallow it.

« Saïx, be good. Don’t make me damage you. » Xemnas grabbed his face, so hard that he left mark on his pale skin. « You are still my right-hand man. »

As a reply, Isa spitted blood and saliva at his face.

The man remained motionless, surprised for a long moment. Then he let go of his wrist, that was still holding tight, to clean his face with the back of his hand.

« Where does all of this _insubordination_ come from? » it wasn’t even a real question, even if it sounded like one.

« Maybe from the fact that I’m not your subordinate anymore? »

Xemnas burst out laughing. Isa knew that laughter, devoid of happiness, devoid of whatever emotion, because he couldn’t feel them. It was a gurgling, scary act. Because his face soon became serious again, his golden eyes burning like a furnace.

The light of the ethereal blade emerging from Xemnas’s hand was red, bloody, it lighted up the room in an uneven way, creating strange shapes on the wall.

For a moment, a terrifying unrestrained moment, Isa wished he hadn’t a heart anymore, so that he didn’t have to feel all that terror. He knew the pain, like a dog knows his master’s stick, he knew how the flesh burned, he knew how loud he was going to make him scream.

Xemnas’s lips raised in a twisted, cruel smirk. It was the smile of an evil being, come from the depths of an unnamed abyss.

« Maybe we should re-establish the hierarchy. »

The blade was hot, Isa’s flesh recalled the itching memory of that heath, and it was close, sizzling.

He was going to hit, to brand him, he was going to _fall_ again, his new life was going to fade like that, to the light of a bright red dawn.

“ _Lea_.”

It was the last thing he was going to think about before fading to the darkness.

The heath of a fire so different, the burning of a soul that didn’t hurt when it touched his own.

“ _Lea_.”

« No. » he said, in a whisper, his hand trembling, trying to get ahold of _something_. « No. » He repeated, louder, even if his voice was hoarse, even if every letter scratched his throat. « No, not this time. _Never again_. I’m not afraid of you. »

He felt the presence of his weapon even before it appeared, but his hands were ready: they both grabbed the handle of the Claymore and with a movement that costed him all of his strength, he struck the man.

He didn’t defended himself.

The Claymore cut the air, going through him. His expression changed, just for a moment. For a slight moment it seemed like he was accusing him, his lips moving as to say something, while his eyes got full of dismay.

Then he disappeared, it became black dust and Isa had to shut his eyes to not being blinded by it.

He remained like that, heavy breathing, for what seemed like hours, his hands still gripping the Claymore’s handle.

He attempted to open his eyes when the light tried to penetrate the barrier of his eyelids: the dark curtain Lea had closed on the windows in the living room had slightly moved and let a ray of sun in.

Isa tried to lift a hand and touched that warm ray, at first with the tip of his fingers, then with his whole palm. His skin was pale, spectral and white, but the light gives it shades of a delicate pink that he had never noticed.

When he got up, stumbling, the Claymore disappeared, he knew he could call it back if he wanted but he didn’t need it: there wasn’t anyone he needed to defend against anymore.

He opened the front door with a firm motion, and he dove into the daylight.

 

Lea felt a bitter taste in his mouth that would have gladly drove away with something sweet. Like an ice-cream, for instance. Or a kiss.

He kept on running his tongue on his teeth, as he was trying to wash away, swallowing, that horrible taste.

At the top of the Clock Tower the air was thin but warm, below him file went on peacefully.

He was hanging his feet, like he always did, perfectly conscious of his balance, wandering if it was really worth it. Maintaining it, maintaining that balance.

Again, his tongue scraped his palate, touched every tooth. What was left in his mouth that was making everything else rot?

_The abandonment._

He would have given anything for…

He turned because something entered his field of vision. Tense like a violin’s string, he was ready to get up and defend himself from an attack and he would have done it, if his brain hadn’t told him that it was just an ice-cream, an ordinary sea salt ice-cream.  

He took it from the hand that was holding it, unbelieving, and looked at it for a while, as little drops of condensation formed on its light blue surface.

« Tell me you are really here. » escaped his lips, angrily, but also trembling.

« I’m really here. »

So Lea lifted his gaze.

He met Isa’s peaceful face, lost in admiration of the sunset, one leg beyond the edge, over the void, and the other bent on the brickwork.

When he turned, the aquamarine of his eyes looked more shiny.

Lea bit into the ice-cream, ignoring the freezing pain in his teeth and chewing ‘till his jaw hurt. Despite the lump in his throat, he was able to swallow the morsel.

« It was Xemnas. » Isa began, calmly, the hand that wasn’t holding his ice-cream looked shyly for Lea’s hand, laying there beside him. « He…has come back to take me. I couldn’t let him. »

« Why didn’t you tell me anything? » Lea mumbled, hating himself because his fingers ended up intertwined with Isa’s, hopelessly.

« I was afraid. » Isa took a little bite of the ice-cream, making it melt on his tongue, enjoying it before swallowing. « I didn’t know if he was real or just in my head. I still don’t know. »

Lea couldn’t restrain himself any longer. He let go of the ice-cream that, half-eaten, fell beyond the railing, and he hugged at Isa, throwing his arms around his neck.

Isa, kinda caught off guard, almost lost his balance. The scent of burned soil that filled Lea’s hair mingled with the salty perfume of the ice-cream.

« Don’t you ever do it again. » the redhead whined, the face pressed against his shoulder. « Don’t you ever leave me out, don’t you ever impede me from helping you. »

He reciprocated the hug slowly, as if he was afraid of breaking the fragile warmth of Lea.

« I’m sorry. » it wasn’t even so hard to say. Processing those feeling was extremely natural, the heart knew answers that the mind was not compelled to know.

Lea extended a hand and stole from his fingers the ice-cream, taking once again a big bite from it.

Isa restrained himself from laughing, but he let him do.

« Are you coming back with me? » he asked after a while, as Lea was sucking the last traces of ice-cream from the stick.

He didn’t reply, there was no need to, because the kiss he left on his lips was more meaningful than any reply. It was sweet, a little salty, wrapped in dancing flames.

« Let’s go home. » Lea muttered, distancing himself just enough to make Isa understand that he couldn’t do without him, that he couldn’t feed his existence without him.

In Radiant Garden there was too much light, but the brightest, for Isa, would have always been Lea.


End file.
